We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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