Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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