And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
