ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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