I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
