My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
