Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
