k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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