Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
