be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
