how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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