The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
