so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
