im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
