when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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