Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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