Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
