I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
