AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
