you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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