I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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