I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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