I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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