Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
