I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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