OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
