My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
