theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
