dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
