Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
