if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
