I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
