It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's Friday. Sex?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
