Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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