need another drink. this is the easiest way
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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