three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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