you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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