this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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