I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
