my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
