Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
