This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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