Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
