I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
