my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
