Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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