Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
