...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
