My cat gives me a boner
vagina is talking i cant
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
