You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
