My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so let's talk penis.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
