she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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