All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
