Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
