I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
